Re: [UUPoly-L] OT Rationalization (was My husband is dumping me.)

[Anita Wagner <imapolygirl@yahoo.com>]

---- Original Message ----
> From: Bitsy <darthbitsy@yahoo.com>
> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
> Sent: Thursday, November 15, 2007 4:42:14 PM
> Subject: [UUPoly-L] OT Rationalization (was My husband is dumping me.)
> 
> 
> The NY Time had an interesting article on rationalization a few days ago,
> http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/06/science/06tier.html.

Wow - interesting!  Thanks for this.  The author said:

".... in general, people deal with cognitive dissonance â the clashing of conflicting thoughts â by eliminating one of the thoughts."

Here's what I came away with from this article.  In applying its concepts to my previously described experience, my husband, who had during the entire time of our five year marriage been close friends with the co-worker he later left me for, had fallen in love with her.  But he had a problem, because he was married to me.  Thus he was presented with "the clashing of conflicting thoughts" because as far as he knew, he couldn't have us both.  So, he had to eliminate one to eliminate his discomfort.  He had limerence going with the new love, while the limerence he once experienced with me had already fizzled.  

I never had a chance.  Damn.  

I don't see this as off topic, by the way.  I think a lot of the drama that happens in poly relationships is overlayed with these dynamics.  

Anita