Re: [UUPoly-L] Hi, I'm Marlena

[Anita Wagner <imapolygirl@yahoo.com>]

Hi Marlena, and welcome.

I hear how disappointed you are at your mom's attitude.  Without making a blanket assumption, in my observation many lesbians have negative feelings about polyamory, much moreso than gay men, though there are exceptions there as well.  I think some gays and lesbians are naturally inclined toward monogamy just as some het folks are.  Plus, Lesbians been marinated in the same societal messaging as have we all.  My understanding is that many are strongly committed to monogamy partly out of a desire to live a life they can feel good about and hold out as no less ethical than male/female monogamous relationships.  If they were to also adopt non-monogamy, this would tend to reinforce the very hurtful societal criticism they've been fighting against.  When you're queer, monogamy feels a lot safer.  

Of course, some of this is just my own theory, but I think there's likely some truth to it.  There is a book about lesbian polyamory you might consider giving your mom as a means of helping her understand how polyamory works for lesbians - maybe that would be a form she could relate to.  (Don't know if the casual sex part might put her off and do more harm than good, but I wanted you to at least be aware of it.)  

The Lesbian Polyamory Reader: Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Casual Sex 
http://snipurl.com/lesbianpolyreader


Smiles,
Anita

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I'm blogging on polyamory relationship skills, the polyamory community/movement, polyamory activism, and, even occasionally, on my own lovely poly life, at http://practicalpolyamory.blogspot.com
Get help with jealousy, poly/mono relating and other pitfalls of polyamory at 
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If you're uncomfortable about blacks, you're a racist; uncomfortable about Jews, you are an anti-semite; but today, if you're uncomfortable about sex, you're a civic leader. --- Dr. Marty Klein