Re: [UUPoly-L] Neuroscience, Insanity, and Comprehension

[Fritz Neumann <fritzcat66@yahoo.com>]

--- Amanda Birmingham <lists@imladris.com> wrote:
> Hi, Fritz,
> I very much enjoyed your emails on the topic of limerence... 
> Acknowledging it doesn't excuse it, nor perhaps does it do much to help 
> people who are already in its throes.  However, it may well help us the 
> *next* time we wander into that state--we might recognize it for what 
> it is and be able to rally our conscious mind to our aid...
> In other words, being informed and 
> thoughtful about our own tendencies and limitations may help us to 
> overcome them...

Hi Amanda - I've been giving presentations on limerence and neuroscience for
several years now at poly and other alt conferences. You hit upon exactly the
reason why: in the hope that, by knowing what's going on in the brain when we
"fall in love" - or when, as poly folk, one of our lovers becomes limerent for
another - we can recognize it, and we can know what to expect from it. And
perhaps, just maybe, if we ourselves become limerent, we can try and
consciously "correct" to some extent our obsessive-compulsive tendencies
towards the new love: which I think is critically important for polyfolk if
they intend to maintain existing relationships!

For your garden-variety serial monogamist, dealing with limerence simply isn't
as big a deal, since their "plan" is already to basically discard one lover and
move on to the next, so might as well just indulge in the limerent high.

As a community, we should also be aware that polyamory can be very attractive
to "limerence junkies" as well. I'm not joking: the dopamine infusion by itself
can be very addicting, even worse with the addition of oxytocin and reduction
of serotonin, and I think some do succumb to it, mostly unaware. Again, our
only hope - for ourselves and for them - is education and self-enlightenment,
and the hope that we might exert some conscious influence over these
overwhelming subconscious motives.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot of data yet on this. We're still identifying
what's going on up there when things are left to their default course. The
extent to which we can alter that course has yet to be fully examined. However,
I can almost guarantee you that the solution must lie in the prefrontal cortex,
since it seems to be only that area of the neocortical brain that has the
ability to selectively suppress deeper responses.

But it's also comforting to understand that this "craziness" isn't just random
madness: it has a long, tried-and-true evolutionary function and history. It
has served its purpose very well and is one reason we are the dominant species
on this planet. It's a powerful motivating force that, until now anyway, has
pretty much been given free rein when it takes over - a power we seem to gladly
give it!

But just as we humans are starting to alter our own biology in other ways
(genetic vaccines, prostheses, selective fertilization, plastic surgery, etc.),
I think it's time to start thinking about altering this process as well. But we
can't do it if we're all still so in love with the whole idea of being in
love... if that's the case, then the reptile brain is still "winning".


> I am 
> thinking here of the famous and disturbing Milgram experiments that 
> showed humans tend to be extremely obedient to authority, even when 
> that authority commands them to do something against their own morals.  
> The experiments are horrifying--but additional work by Steven Sherman 
> indicated that when similar scenarios were repeated with subjects who 
> had thought ahead of time about being put in such a situation, the 
> outcomes were significantly different: most were unwilling to act 
> against their morals when told.

This is indeed fascinating - and heartening - information. I was unaware of
these follow-ups to Milgram. I may need to read up on them and mention them in
my presentations on limerence as a ray of hope.

  >*< Fritz