Re: [UUPoly-L] Dealing with Others

"Lisa" <celticwoman108@comcast.net> · Mon, 10 Sep 2007 20:07:52 -0000

P.S.  You'll also find that when others jump to point the finger at you, 
it's because it is always easier and much less painful to lecture someone 
else about what is wrong with THEIR life, rather than reflect on perfecting 
one's own.  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.  Too bad so few 
of us remember that....meanwhile we're all in the same boat.

 -Lisa
Penna et al...

 I agree that fear plays a part, but even more so when it comes to

challenging social norms as opposed to personal relationships.  Nobody 
like

to have their previously accepted life 'norms' and expectations put before

them for re-evaluation.  Everyone thinks they have 'the basics' already

figured out and understood.  Polyamory threatens to undermine all we have

been programmed to accept as the way to be which has been dictated to us 
for

centuries by a patriarchal monogamous belief system.  If you look how long

it took for blacks and women to earn rights and how both groups struggle 
to

this day to be considered truly equal, expect the total acceptance of

polyamory to take much longer.  I think each of us has to decide just how

much we choose to allow the ignorance/inexperience of others, albeit a

majority at this point, to concern and influence us regarding what we know

to be best in our own lives and the lives of our significant others.  Most

of all, IMHO, we owe it to our children to expand the definition of love.

 Lisa

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "K Morgan-Davie" <kmorgandavie@gmail.com>

To: <uupoly-l@uupa.org>

Sent: Monday, September 10, 2007 3:48 PM

Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Dealing with Others
Penna,
You posed the question:
*" Why can't people just listen and have compassion instead of jumping 
to

judgement?
Penna"*

It seems to me that the reason is fear. There is no logic in fear, no
considering the situation or weighing the evidence.  We have a fear
reaction
based on our programming (both overt and covert), and unless we
consciously
intervene, we will react, sometimes violently, to fight off whatever has
triggered our fear.
So it is when one crosses cultural and societal boundaries.  The organism
makes it's threat determination based on the accepted norms, and acts to
eliminate the infection, first, determine true risk later.  To those
Friends
(and particularly if they are female, I suspect) your situation is very
threatening, because it suggests that they too might face "competition"
from
another woman - and they believe that competition is inevitable because
love
IS a scarce resource in their lives.
That's my humble <g> opinion!
Blessings - Keith

--

"Scarcity , or the appearance or scarcity, is the ultimate weapon. If we
are convinced that the supply of love is  finite, we can be manipulated
to
any means, because we will do anything for love.  We will even hate."

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