Re: [UUPoly-L] Dealing with Others

[Trisha LeChat <giselle-trisha@hotmail.com>]

I have recently moved in with a couple, we are mostly a "V" with the man at the center.  We are all very happy with our situation and I feel secure and loved with them, but I am experiencing negativity and judgment from others.  Even though we are not really "out" to anyone, I have heard comments from my prior family/friends that this couple wants me just for my money and/or sex, that I am a "third wheel" and it's "weird".  These statements have made me withdraw from the people who were formerly a part of my life, because I feel judged, and because I am disappointed in their reactions.  
 
> From: celticwoman108@comcast.net> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org> Date: Mon, 10 Sep 2007 16:01:07 -0400> Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Dealing with Others> > Penna et al...> I agree that fear plays a part, but even more so when it comes to > challenging social norms as opposed to personal relationships. Nobody like > to have their previously accepted life 'norms' and expectations put before > them for re-evaluation. Everyone thinks they have 'the basics' already > figured out and understood. Polyamory threatens to undermine all we have > been programmed to accept as the way to be which has been dictated to us for > centuries by a patriarchal monogamous belief system. If you look how long > it took for blacks and women to earn rights and how both groups struggle to > this day to be considered truly equal, expect the total acceptance of > polyamory to take much longer. I think each of us has to decide just how > much we choose to allow the ignorance/inexperience of others, albeit a > majority at this point, to concern and influence us regarding what we know > to be best in our own lives and the lives of our significant others. Most > of all, IMHO, we owe it to our children to expand the definition of love.> Lisa> > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "K Morgan-Davie" <kmorgandavie@gmail.com>> To: <uupoly-l@uupa.org>> Sent: Monday, September 10, 2007 3:48 PM> Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Dealing with Others> > > > Penna,> > You posed the question:> >> >> >> *" Why can't people just listen and have compassion instead of jumping to> >> judgement?> >>> >> Penna"*> >> >> > It seems to me that the reason is fear. There is no logic in fear, no> > considering the situation or weighing the evidence. We have a fear > > reaction> > based on our programming (both overt and covert), and unless we > > consciously> > intervene, we will react, sometimes violently, to fight off whatever has> > triggered our fear.> > So it is when one crosses cultural and societal boundaries. The organism> > makes it's threat determination based on the accepted norms, and acts to> > eliminate the infection, first, determine true risk later. To those > > Friends> > (and particularly if they are female, I suspect) your situation is very> > threatening, because it suggests that they too might face "competition" > > from> > another woman - and they believe that competition is inevitable because > > love> > IS a scarce resource in their lives.> >> > That's my humble <g> opinion!> >> > Blessings - Keith> >> >> > -- > >> "Scarcity , or the appearance or scarcity, is the ultimate weapon. If we> >> are convinced that the supply of love is finite, we can be manipulated > >> to> >> any means, because we will do anything for love. We will even hate."> > _______________________________________________> > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives.> > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself.> > UUPoly-L mailing list> > UUPoly-L@uupa.org> > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l> > > > > _______________________________________________> The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives.> Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself.> UUPoly-L mailing list> UUPoly-L@uupa.org> http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l
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