Re: [UUPoly-L] Google Knol Article for Polyamory

[John Ullman <jsu627@earthlink.net>]

Jim Turner wrote:           (On 06:24 AM 8/4/2008)
> The poly/swing discourse reminds me of that old joke--do you walk to 
> school or carry your lunch. It seems to me doing both, as many if 
> not most some!

Yes, poly and swinging are certainly not mutually exclusive, and I 
certainly have done both, and made some great, long term poly friends 
at swing events.

I of watched the poly vs swinger issue go on for decades now, and I 
think it is often poorly articulated. Here is what I think gets lost 
in the flames:

1. Some people can't differentiate between and abstract concept and 
real, diverse,  human behavior. The concept of swinging is 
recreational sex without emotional attachment. But anyone who has 
gone to a particular swing group over time knows that great 
friendships develop, people do care if members fall ill, people get 
together for dancing, motorcycle rides, etc outside the club, etc. 
Does anyone want to play god and tell us that none of this emotional 
bonding ever rises to the level of "love?"

2. I consider the "I am not a swinger" or "poly relationships don't 
have to be sexual" polys to be suffering from internalized 
polyphobia. By that I mean that the sex negativity of the culture is 
so oppressive to them that they don't want other people to think they 
are hedonists or sex fiends or something, so they try to dumb down 
the concept of polyamory.

3. The word polyamory was designed to be a label for our kind of 
sexual relationships. Morning Golry Zell, who coined the phrase, and 
those of us who were early adopters, were looking for a word to mean 
the concept of "multiple, consensual, concurrent, sexual, loving 
relationships."

4. If anyone wants to take the sex out of poly, or describe similar 
but different kinds of relationships, they should come up with their 
own word, not misappropriate polyamory. Some suggestions below:

polyammery -  incessantly talking about polyamory, but not doing it
hollypoly - how cinema stars have multiple partners, not to be 
confused with polywood
polywood - multiple partners with erections
polyummery - having really gorgeous multiple partners
polylaundry - many people washing their clothes together and having 
sex while they dry
polypygmyous - having many small partners
polypigamous - having more partners than you can handle
polyestery - John Water's multiple partners
polysaturated - having no room for more partners (from Fritz Neumann)
polyagony - Polyamory gone bad (from Nan Wise)
and, of course, Oberon Zell's retort when someone asked if polyamory 
were just about sex, he said, "If it were just about sex we would 
have called it polyfuckery."

John U