Re: [UUPoly-L] Google Knol Article for Polyamory

[alan7388 <alan7388@gmail.com>]

> While I often hear self-styled polys say they are
> not swingers I rarely hear people who swing say
> they are or are not polys.

Well, that could be because the reported 4 million swingers in the US
outnumber self-identified polys by something like 20 to 1 or maybe
even 50 to 1 (my best guesses/estimates). Polys are just a tiny blip
on the swing world's radar.

My experience is that the actual poly vs. swinging difference is not
about the theoretical or behavior differences people have been talking
about here. It's about two different cultures just feel very
different. They attract different crowds in terms of attitudes,
thought-styles, and backgrounds. Yes there are people who move easily
between both, and not all swinging crowds are the same -- but in
general a poly get-together and a swing get-together are very
different.

So the language should acknowledge that they are different things.

Real-world example. Here in the Boston area, people in Family Tree (a
poly group) still talk about the time a new guy from the swing
community showed up for a monthly meeting. He seemed not very
intellectual, unlike most of the crowd, and he proceeded to work his
way through the group dangling the keys to a motel room that he'd just
rented in front of each female, one by one, starting with the youngest
and working up. This was obviously a well-practiced behavior that he
expected to be considered normal at this kind of gathering, and that
he expected to work (since he'd already paid for the motel room!).

Every woman he approached was very put off and turned him down, and
some were upset. At last he stormed out, saying "You're all talk and
no action!" and slammed the door hard enough to shake the house.
Clearly, he had the mistaken idea that swinging and poly are similar,
and felt misled.

Since then, the person who handles inquiries from newbies is careful
to explain that Family Tree is not a swinging group. We're not a bit
ashamed to make this distinction. It saves *us* discomfort and
anxiety, and it saves visitors like that guy time, money, and
aggravation.

I have more stories, but that one'll do.

When arguing semantics, folks, PLEASE don't ignore what confusing
words does to make messes in the real world.