Re: [UUPoly-L] Google Knol Article for Polyamory

["Fantine" <fantine@sonic.net>]

	I guess I'll have to label myself "polymorphous
perverse" based on my past activity! ;^)   I can't
claim to have ever been monogamous, but I've been
practically everything else.
	I style myself as "poly" and I hang with the
poly crowd.  I have never felt at home with the
traditional swingers I have interacted with, very much
like the story below.  
	IN ADDITION to my poly experiences, I have
engaged in casual sex.  I have gone to scads of "play
parties".  The play parties *I* have experienced have a
different base of attendees than swinger parties and a
different mode of interaction.  There is an underlying
egalitarianism.  You are not likely to encounter the
mate-swapping model which implies possession and a
scarcity economy.  I felt like a free agent at these
parties, not wondering about arrangements for their
wives or my "spousal-equivalent".  There is much less
annoyance at women choosing to play with women only,
not being there for men's entertainment (as in the
traditional swinging experience).  There is little
tolerance for homophobia (unlike the traditional
swinging experience)!  In fact, some parties I have
been to emphasized gay male interaction and the women
were on the edges.  I was relaxed at these parties in a
way I never was at swing encounters.  There was a
different, less pressured, atmosphere.
	NOTE:  My experiences are based in the San
Francisco Bay area and may not apply to other regions.
The influence of Gay/Lesbian-Positive, Bi-positive,
BDSM-positive movements on the local scene makes it
what it is.  
	I have also been involved in the BDSM scene
locally and the same atmosphere applies to the parties
I have attended, which were, on the whole, smaller
private affairs.  The level of trust and safety is very
high with a less pressured atmosphere.  There is a
great crossover between the poly and BDSM crowds here.
You are likely to have sustained relationships in the
BDSM community, with many of the nuances of polyamory
(sex/no sex, primary/secondary, etc.).
	Francesca
	UU San Mateo


-----Original Message-----
From: uupoly-l-bounces+fantine=sonic.net@uupa.org
[mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+fantine=sonic.net@uupa.org] On
Behalf Of alan7388
Sent: Monday, August 04, 2008 10:23 AM
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Google Knol Article for
Polyamory

> While I often hear self-styled polys say they are
> not swingers I rarely hear people who swing say
> they are or are not polys.
...Every woman he approached was very put off and
turned him down, and
some were upset. At last he stormed out, saying "You're
all talk and
no action!" and slammed the door hard enough to shake
the house.
Clearly, he had the mistaken idea that swinging and
poly are similar,
and felt misled.

Since then, the person who handles inquiries from
newbies is careful
to explain that Family Tree is not a swinging group.
We're not a bit
ashamed to make this distinction. It saves *us*
discomfort and
anxiety, and it saves visitors like that guy time,
money, and
aggravation....