[UUPoly-L] "couples gifts" and tactfulness

["Brigitte Fires" <brigittefires@gmail.com>]

My brother just got married this year. He and his wife have a
girlfriend who has been with them for about a year now, so this is her
first christmas with us.

I did just figure out how to answer my question, but it's worth posing.

I would hate, as the third to a married couple who is not completely
"out," those "family" moments where you don't get included as much as
you could be. I really like this girl, and I'm giving everyone in my
family gift baskets with beverages and mugs in them (coffee, cocoa,
tea, etc). I would never dream of not giving her one--but how to
package it?? Mom and Dad are getting theirs with two mugs and in one
basket with one box of coffee (and maybe some cocoa too). Similarly
with every other couple in my family, and even some with their
children's mugs as well. (personal point of pride that this is the
first year "as an adult" actually giving all my own gifts to my entire
extended family, and I'm averaging $3 per person).

But then I was trying to figure out, how do I package my brother's and
his girls'?? three mugs in one basket? his and his wife's with coffee
in one, and the girlfriend's separate since she doesn't drink coffee?
That is easily construed as singling her out, including her out of
pity or something, and I wouldn't want that!

But I just found out that she won't be at christmas morning when my
brother and his wife will be opening their gifts from me (and where my
mother who has her blinders on will be, with her tender sensibilities
that we can't offend, hence the packaging issue ;). But just to make
it fair, they're each getting their own basket. SIL doesn't like
chocolate anyway, so my brother can get chocolate, she'll get
something else, and his GF can get her hot cocoa. Everyone's happy,
and no one need feel left or singled out or unsure which part of the
package is theirs.

I'm glad it ended up being a little easier than I convinced myself it
would be, but I'm also glad I was able to work it out. How do you deal
with "couples gifts" for your poly family and friends?

Brigitte