Re: [UUPoly-L] Gay or Bi

[Roza <alliumphobia@hotmail.com>]

the question seems to be what defines identity?  behavior or self-definition?  i know lesbians with boyfriends, straight men and women who have had homosexual sex, gay men who have never had sex with anyone, and i am a bisexual woman, yet i have only had sex with one other woman once and i am in a long-term relationship with a guy.  is my identity invalidated simply because i have not found more women who i care to have sex with?  what about the teens who are just coming out of the closet?  some of them are twelve or thirteen, and hopefully not having sex yet, yet they base their identity on who they are attracted to.  i can out as bi about two years before i started having sex with anyone, male or female.  so now the question is: is identity based on self-definition, attraction, or behavior?  or some mix of the three?  or something else entirely?
even, dare i say it, is identity solidified during teenage years and set in stone, or is it more fluid?  i did read the article, and i do think the guy has some NRE.  but the attraction to men may be a new as this guy, as he grows and changes.  i know a UU minister was married to a man, and happy.  and then she fell in love with a woman, her partner of more than ten years now, and had to rethink her identity.  was she repressing her homosexual identity all those years?  i don't think so.  i think her sexual identity changed, as did the rest of her identity as she moved from childhood to old age.
azora


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> Date: Sun, 6 Jan 2008 22:45:00 -0500
> From: microbrix@gmail.com
> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
> Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Gay or Bi
> 
> I don't see it as an either-or thing.
> 
> I'm sure there's NRE going on, hard to imagine it NOT happening.
> It also sounds like this guy dosen't have much in the way of support.
> He's probably dealing with a very confusing situation the best he can.
>   I just hope he works out his relationships in a way that works for
> them all.
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