Re: [UUPoly-L] gay, straight or bi

[bear@pagansexcult.org]

I dunno.  When confronted with a question about someone's
gender preference, I basically think of a very small set of
questions.  And any subset of these questions can have yes
answers.

A: (sexually) Likes Men?
B: (sexually) Likes Women?
C: Willing to take relationships with men seriously?
D: Willing to take relationships with women seriously?

There are corresponding questions about whether they prefer
transsexuals, intersexed or neuter folk, but not being of
any of those persuasions, nor ever called upon to play
matchmaker for someone who is, they are not questions I need
to ask.

Questions about being "out" fall more under honesty and
self-respect than gender preference as far as I'm concerned.

If behavior is different from gender preference, and it's
not due to special circumstances arising from their life and
current relationships, then I think it's a huge warning sign
under general personality integration rather than an aspect
of gender preference.  For example, someone who likes men
but has made a commitment to be monogamous in a relationship
with a woman, I understand (and empathize with -- been
there, on the opposite side of the coin).  Someone who is
sexually attracted to a given gender but would never have
sex with one because s/he doesn't respect them - or for
some other such "internal" reason - I would consider myself
warned of a broken personality when I discovered that about
someone, which IMO is far more important than someone's
gender preference.

                   Bear