Re: [UUPoly-L] The Great Open Marriage Catastrophe

"Christine Heinsohn" <kb4wyr@fhrd.net> · Mon, 17 Mar 2008 04:02:32 -0000

Rhea,

I am no longer a member of the church in Norfolk as we moved in  1999.
Adolphus was magnificient.  Kind of ruined me for more run of the mill
church choirs!

Christine

-----Original Message-----
From: uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org
[mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of Rhea Orion
Sent: Sunday, March 16, 2008 9:01 PM
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] The Great Open Marriage Catastrophe

Christine are you a member of the UU church of Norfolk, Virginia? i  
was for years in the 80's. If you are - can you tell me if there is  
still a choir director named Adolphus Hailstork?

As for ministers in the 70's sleeping with congregants and having poly  
relationships - i never heard of that but i wasn't particularly  
interested in what ministers were doing! If others know that such a  
practice was going on - i would agree that would not be a good idea on  
a large scale! I'm pretty sure it would not be considered ethical to  
sleep with congregants - whether or not the minister or the  
congregants were married. Some ministers do marry people in their  
parishes. In those days code of ethics might have been different.  
maybe some new codes were catalyzed because of an unskilled poly thing  
happening frequently.

well, whatever was happening among professionals, it was definitely  
not limited to UU's or ministers, or hippies, or America.

and, it was way newer so people had less of a clue how to handle the  
issues and complications that do come up. we're all still working on  
that!

Rhea

On Mar 16, 2008, at 10:31 AM, Christine Heinsohn wrote:

> I have heard of the division that the human potential movement and  
> it's
> iteration created in UU churches.  I would speculate that is was  
> much like
> the issues that were created around the civil rights issues and the  
> Vietnam
> war.  I was viewed first hand how the first US invasion of Iraq had  
> people
> in congregations nearly tearing each other's throats out.   
> Fortunately, in
> the Norfolk Church they were wise enough to listen to a sermon  
> delivered by
> a US Naval Officer who was also UU.  His sermon caused folks to begin
> thinking of each other as human rather than as avatars of causes.  I  
> think
> that many of the disruptive times in UU churches were times when  
> causes
> became more important that loving each other a fellow congregants.
>
> Christine
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org
> [mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of  
> Moonstorm
> Erosong
> Sent: Saturday, March 15, 2008 10:32 AM
> To: Uupoly-L
> Subject: [UUPoly-L] The Great Open Marriage Catastrophe
>
> Hi, UUPolyfolk!
>
> I'm wondering if someone can shed some light on something for me.
>
> Fairly often when I come out to some UU as poly, or engage with some  
> UU in a
> conversation about poly, I'll get some response like, "We tried that  
> back in
> the 70s; it didn't work."  Occasionally I'll hear some long-standing  
> UU talk
> about "how open marriage nearly killed UUism in the 70s."  They  
> never say
> much about it, and I am left regretting that, although I've been a  
> UU since
> I was 12, I spent the 70s pretty much submerged in med school and
> residency.  I didn't really return to active church participation  
> until the
> early 90s, by which time I was living an actively and openly poly  
> life, and
> I got elected to the church board and the ministerial search committee
> shortly after I had preached a sermon on polyamory.
>
> So, I am always left tantalizingly wondering about this legendary  
> "Great UU
> Open Marriage Catasphrophe" of the 1970's.  I can imagine that a lot  
> of UUs
> might have gotten interested in the human potential movement, nude  
> encounter
> groups, and the like, but the idea that the Open Marriage movement  
> was ever
> large enough or aggressive enough to seriously threaten the cohesion  
> of our
> denomination is hard for me to swallow.
>
> And how did this issue get resolved?  Did the open marrage people go  
> back to
> being happily monogamous UUs, or did they essentially get ejected  
> from our
> churches, or did they just all run off and become Gestalt therapists  
> or
> Pagans?
>
> If there's anyone out there who actually lived through that period  
> as a UU
> and can share with us what happened, I'd be deeply grateful.
>
> Blessings,
>
> 'Storm
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