Re: [UUPoly-L] Need help with jealousy

[Desmond Ravenstone <desmondravenstone@yahoo.com>]

JennyLynn:  I'd like to respond from the perspective of a BDSM dominant...

Many times dominants seem more "detached" emotionally than submissives, but in fact we can experience as much emotional attachment and intensity as our submissive partners.  So while your Master's upcoming move carries the risk of your relationship with him changing, consider also that the attachment you feel towards him is also reciprocated.

Desmond Ravenstone

********************

http://www.myspace.com/desmond_ravenstone


--- On Wed, 11/5/08, JennyLynn Oh <jennylynn.oh@gmail.com> wrote:

> From: JennyLynn Oh <jennylynn.oh@gmail.com>
> Subject: [UUPoly-L] Need help with jealousy
> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
> Date: Wednesday, November 5, 2008, 1:57 PM
> Is anyone else out there just "slightly" poly? 
> Let me elaborate...I'm
> married, and we decided to make it an open marriage about a
>  year ago.  The
> reason was, I'm interested in bdsm but my husband is
> not, so in order to
> have my needs met, I'm free to find a partner that
> engages in bdsm with me.
> I love my husband, and I love my Master, although in very
> different ways.  I
> also sense that I have no need for partners beyond what I
> have.
> 
> Currently, my Master lives about an hour away, in Austin,
> but this Saturday
> he's flying to Seattle to start a new job.  He'll
> fly back occasionally, and
> I'll visit him as often as we can manage, but our time
> together will
> obviously be limited from here on out.  My Master is also
> poly, but
> differently than me.  He said that he may have play
> partners in Seattle,
> maybe another sub, whatever comes his way that meets his
> needs.
> 
> This absolutely terrifies me.  I feel that it's only a
> matter of time before
> I'm replaced and forgotten.  The thought of my Master
> with another woman
> scares me to no end.  I worry about him comparing me to
> someone else and I
> just know that I'll come up short.  He's assured me
> that the slice of his
> life that I occupy is mine and can't be taken away.  I
> also know that
> because of our dynamic, I can't control what he does
> (nor would I want to).
> He has a high sex drive, and I wouldn't want him to be
> out there and not
> getting his needs met.  And apart from sex, I don't
> want him to be lonely--I
> want him to have companionship and friends.  But....I'm
> just so scared.  I
> worry that the first time he's with someone, I'll
> be a wreck knowing that
> he's holding someone else in his arms.
> 
> Can anyone offer some advice about how to deal with
> jealousy like this?  Any
> good books to read?  Anything?
> 
> Thanks in advance
> Jen
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