Re: [UUPoly-L] What do YOU think?

["Christine Heinsohn" <kb4wyr@fhrd.net>]

Call me a cynic, but I don't think even adding successfully to the phrase
makes it any better.  I have seen folks who have been in many multiple
relationships they determined to be successful actually be insensitive and
lack compassion.  I can not agree that someone self identified as poly is
more sensitive or compassionate than those of other relationship styles.

I think successful mono relating for long periods, 30 to 60 years in the
same relationship, requires as much skill as successful poly relating.
Maybe more skill.  You don't have the Newness to add spark to a
relationship, so you have to continue to find new fuel the flames while
knowing each other very well, as just one example.

Christine

-----Original Message-----
From: uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org
[mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of alan7388
Sent: Monday, November 17, 2008 12:21 PM
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] What do YOU think?

> I thought that being sensitive and compassionate
> and caring yielded one's being more likely to be
> polyamorous.

I'd actually agree, based on the people I've met, if we're talking
here about general average trends. It's certainly not a reliable rule
on a case-by-case basis.

> And, being polyamorous resulted
> in one's being more sensitive and
> compassionate and caring.

Revise that to "being SUCCESSFULLY polyamorous," and I'd agree there's
a trend this way too on average. The same is also true for people in
successful long-term mono marriages. But because poly is more
complicated and demanding, being good at it in the long run probably
does mean working more deliberately at developing "sensitive and
compassionate" skills.

--Alan

------------------------------------------------------------
Keep up with Polyamory in the News!
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/
------------------------------------------------------------
_______________________________________________
The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives.
Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself.
UUPoly-L mailing list
UUPoly-L@uupa.org
http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l