[UUPoly-L] Still at the bank - looking for opinions

["Michael Paprocki" <msppbs@itol.com>]

Hi
Michael Paprocki
responding to UU Poly-L Digest, Volume 50, Issue 15

Thank you alan7388 and Christine

Message: 2
> I thought that being sensitive and compassionate
> and caring yielded one's being more likely to be
> polyamorous.

I'd actually agree, based on the people I've met, if we're talking
here about general average trends. It's certainly not a reliable rule
on a case-by-case basis.

> And, being polyamorous resulted
> in one's being more sensitive and
> compassionate and caring.

Revise that to "being SUCCESSFULLY polyamorous," and I'd agree there's a trend this way too on average. The same is also true for people in
successful long-term mono marriages. But because poly is more
complicated and demanding, being good at it in the long run probably
does mean working more deliberately at developing "sensitive and
compassionate" skills.

--Alan

Michael
Yes - I think I was thinking about an "average" or "likely" example. I do think there would bbe a bell shaped curve with a spread and a skew and most importantly a mean, median, and mode.

Message: 3
Call me a cynic, but I don't think even adding successfully to the phrase
makes it any better.  I have seen folks who have been in many multiple
relationships they determined to be successful actually be insensitive and
lack compassion.  I can not agree that someone self identified as poly is
more sensitive or compassionate than those of other relationship styles.

I think successful mono relating for long periods, 30 to 60 years in the
same relationship, requires as much skill as successful poly relating.
Maybe more skill.  You don't have the Newness to add spark to a
relationship, so you have to continue to find new fuel the flames while
knowing each other very well, as just one example.

Christine

Michael
Okay
Just one thing
My idea of polyamory DOES involve 30-60 year relationships.
So the "newness" may not be a factor. I think of polyamorous relationships as just as likely to be "permanent" as monogamous ones. I would suggest that the fact that they have been in MANY multiple relationships says that perhaps they aren't very good at it.
Just a thought.