[UUPoly-L] Fw: I am less frieghtened - but I still pray.

["Michael Paprocki" <msppbs@itol.com>]

Hi - Me (Michael Paprocki) again,

In UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 50, Issue 23, Message 3

Boyd Smith responded to my entry in the digest.

1) I am glad that the moderator chose to include my submission. An issue or two had passed and it appeared to me as if he wouldn't. Thanks
2) I was answered by Mr. Smith. Thank you, and thanks for not being flippant. My entry wasn't either. Nor an I now.
3) I appologize to those who want to move on to something else. I would suggest that you please let me indulge, and to not read Boyd's and my conversation. Just skip those messages if you wish ... though I would hope that some others would care enough to get involved too.
4) I want to thank you Catherine, for your thoughts on taking someones life. They were interesting and informative. I consider you to be not only a caring person, but a very courageous one as well. I hope to someday be the quality of UU that you are.

I hope it is okay for me to call you Boyd. If not, let me know how you would like to be addressed. One of the things you said in answering me was ...

I will only act in defense of my life, my families life, innocent life and justly acquired property.  I will not act out of rage, hatred or anger.

I am happy you said that (among other things). That relieves me greatly. You are not enraged. Don't laugh here, but you are obviously not psychotic either. Please don't take offense, but I had considered both of those. You are rational and have a rationale for you orientation. That goes a long way toward comforting me.

I would like to yet first ask something, and then relate a situation I would like you to consider.

I would feel much better if I knew that you would limit taking a persons life to defense of your life, a family member's life, and an innocent's life. I have to say however that defense of property crosses a line, as it does fore Catherine. My question is - don't you see a quantum leap from your possessions to a human life.

Okay, trying to not drag this out, the situation that I want to relate to you.
1) Bluntly - I used to shop-lift. It was after I became disabled and my income plummeted. I was (and am) poor as a church mouse. I couldn't afford to purchase things that I felt I needed. What kinds of things? Parts and tools for appliances in the apartment complex I lived in. At the time I had been fixing things in the buildings I lived in for my lanndlord. Why did I need that you ask? Because I was KNOWN as the handiman. I was the go-to person in the complex. I LOVED that role. It was my identity. So much so that when I could afford to - I was buying the parts and tools from my own income. Now I was losing my identity. Who was I without my role at work and without my role as THE handiman. It's scary as hell Boyd, scary as hell. I was lost.

I don't shop-lift anymore and haven't for a lot of years. Why did I stop? You may have to work to understand this, and I ask that you do. One time when I was caught, I appeared in court. The judge had my history. He had the choice of putting me in jail, recommended at that point, and something else (I don't really know what all of his choices were). I had bicycled 10 miles in the pouring rain. There was left a puddle of water where I was standing and sitting. The judge decided to send me home. I was shocked. On the way pedaling home (in the rain) I decided that I wasn't going to shop-lift anymore. I still can't fully explain it. It's as if the judge had done me a favor, a kindness. To shop-lift then would have been disappointing him or something. It would have been betraying a kindness. I have never shop-lifted again.

So you might say this guy (me) is trying to change my mind (the busibody evangelical). And I would reply - yes, I am. I am asking that if you ever have the occassion to take a life to secure your property - that you not kill me.