Re: [UUPoly-L] "Deflowering"

["Michael Rios" <earthfather@cfnc.us>]

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Roza

> what disturbed me when was my friend was having surgery near her genital
> area, and she asked the doctor, "while you are down there, would you
> please cut my hymen?"  she has a very thick hymen, and she didn't want to
> deal with the potential pain of breaking it when she got around to having
> vaginal sex.  he refused, telling her that her husband would thank him
> someday. 

That's about the time I would have changed doctors.

> lois mcmasters bujold writes wonderful fantasy and sci-fi, and in one of
> her future universes, one of the cultures has a, to me, very wonderful
> method of dealing with female coming of age.  when a young woman turns 14,
> she gets her ears pierced, her hymen cut, her contraceptive implant
> injected into her, and she is offered the services of a licensed sexual
> professional -- i forget the exact title.  but think of a place in which
> sex for pleasure is assumed, where people can experiment and learn
> together and separately and in which the practical needs of safer sex are
> part of coming of age!  *sigh*  i dream on.  perhaps this would not work
> in our world, and i know it can't happen anytime soon, not in the casual
> 'of course' manner that bujold suggests.  

It can and does happen already, though for people under 18, there are limits
on what can be done legally.  I raised my kids with essentially that kind of
support and understanding, and I've seen many people essentially go through
this same process, but as adults.  It would have been better if it had been
done right the first time, but it can still have an amazingly healing and
empowering effect at any age.

There's no reason that children can't come of age with knowledge, support,
acceptance, and celebration; I wasn't familiar with the particular story,
but there is nothing "fictional" about it, if we want to make it real for
our own kids.

Having said that, it is also important that kids not be rushed into
sexuality.  Some kids are ready to go at 12, others may be in their 20's
before they find the urge to explore and push their edges.  All of these are
good, and all need to be honored and respected.

Michael Rios