Re: [UUPoly-L] Question

De-lurking briefly....

Can I respectfully disagree with you about this? This has been an important issue in my life story and I have thought about it a great deal. I don't know Johnny and I am not presuming to speak for him; I'm speaking only for my own self. But...

Knowing that "if I don't get laid every so often I will become crazed" does not depend on philosophy, transcendent or otherwise. It's an empirical observation, based on past experience. It's knowledge of self, right?

Now I know what you are getting at, I think, with the idea that we are responsible for our own happiness. And to some extent I even agree. But surely part of that responsibility includes making good decisions about "Is this person so cool that I'll try to remap my internal geography for them?" If you know that decent sex on a continuing basis is an emotional essential to you, then agreeing to a closed relationship where this factor has NOT been considered pretty minutely and candidly by both parties is just a bad bet.

And if you think that there are not people (of both genders) who turn off the sex light altogether after X weeks/months/years and yet still insist upon monogamy, then you would be wrong. Period.

It's all very well to say "happiness is something you are" (and also, "ohmmmmmmm...") but let's have a decent respect for brass tacks, as well. Some emotional traps are pretty predictable, and they don't give a rodent's posterior about the power of positive thinking.

/lurk

-- Peter

----- Original Message ----- From: "Christine Heinsohn" <kb4wyr@fhrd.net>
To: <uupoly-l@uupa.org>
Sent: Sunday, September 21, 2008 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Question


Johhny said: I seem to feel I have no problem being with just one woman if
she can keep me happy in bed (making love a few times a week)


Chris's Response:  I read this line and it jumped out at me.  I know that
sex in a committed romantic relationship is really really important.  So
important that both parties have to work on all the aspects of their
relationship because if they don't their sex life will suffer.  If'n you
aren't engaged in outside of bed, you won't much be in bed either.

I an struck by the blame for success or failure of a relationship be placed
on whether one's sexual partner can keep you happy in bed. Happiness is not
something anyone can ever give you, it is something you are. You are the
one who has to bring happiness to your relationships, others will never be
able to do it for you, no matter how many partners you (and that is the
generic "you" not a-finger-pointing-at-Johnny "you") have.


Christine




_______________________________________________
The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives.
Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself.
UUPoly-L mailing list
UUPoly-L@uupa.org
http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l




This archive was generated by a fusion of Pipermail (Mailman edition) and MHonArc.