Re: [UUPoly-L] Question

[deafraven@aol.com]

Thank you Peter. I don't think I could have put it any better. I'm basically a happy person like anyone else and accept the fact that I want to unconditionally love more than one person which comes easily for me with many of my friends and lovers .... Perhaps its just biological influences, having a high sex drive and driven spiritual need to love more than one is what make ME and only me polyamorous. I will not speak for others. Now I'm in a position where I am single again and women are asking me if I will consider monogamy or want to stay polyamorous and the obvious reason for many of them is that they seem to think I could never me monogamous once I've been polyamorous but I'm surprised that I've been considering the possibility of a future relationship IF IF MAYBE I found someone who loves me unconditionally and as as passionate about expressing the love towards me sexually then my question to myself is "would I be happy with with the kind of relationship. I was never referring to general happiness just specifically "do I want to be monogamous and love just one person romatically and sexually at this point it life" I'm also struggling with "would it be fair to the woman I love if I should find myself wanting to go back from monogamy to Polyamory if I fell in love with some else.... Its a confusing situation now for me. 

Johnny
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-----Original Message-----
From: "Peter RF Baxter" <baxterp@meer.net>

Date: Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:23:54 
To: <uupoly-l@uupa.org>
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Question


De-lurking briefly....

Can I respectfully disagree with you about this? This has been an important 
issue in my life story and I have thought about it a great deal. I don't 
know Johnny and I am not presuming to speak for him; I'm speaking only for 
my own self. But...

Knowing that "if I don't get laid every so often I will become crazed" does 
not depend on philosophy, transcendent or otherwise. It's an empirical 
observation, based on past experience. It's knowledge of self, right?

Now I know what you are getting at, I think, with the idea that we are 
responsible for our own happiness. And to some extent I even agree. But 
surely part of that responsibility includes making good decisions about "Is 
this person so cool that I'll try to remap my internal geography for them?" 
If you know that decent sex on a continuing basis is an emotional essential 
to you, then agreeing to a closed relationship where this factor has NOT 
been considered pretty minutely and candidly by both parties is just a bad 
bet.

And if you think that there are not people (of both genders) who turn off 
the sex light altogether after X weeks/months/years and yet still insist 
upon monogamy, then you would be wrong. Period.

It's all very well to say "happiness is something you are" (and also, 
"ohmmmmmmm...") but let's have a decent respect for brass tacks, as well. 
Some emotional traps are pretty predictable, and they don't give a rodent's 
posterior about the power of positive thinking.

/lurk

-- Peter

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Christine Heinsohn" <kb4wyr@fhrd.net>
To: <uupoly-l@uupa.org>
Sent: Sunday, September 21, 2008 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Question


> Johhny said:  I seem to feel I  have no problem being with just one woman 
> if
> she can keep me happy in bed  (making love a few times a week)
>
>
> Chris's Response:  I read this line and it jumped out at me.  I know that
> sex in a committed romantic relationship is really really important.  So
> important that both parties have to work on all the aspects of their
> relationship because if they don't their sex life will suffer.  If'n you
> aren't engaged in outside of bed, you won't much be in bed either.
>
> I an struck by the blame for success or failure of a relationship be 
> placed
> on whether one's sexual partner can keep you happy in bed.  Happiness is 
> not
> something anyone can ever give you, it is something you are.  You are the
> one who has to bring happiness to your relationships, others will never be
> able to do it for you, no matter how many partners you (and that is the
> generic "you" not a-finger-pointing-at-Johnny "you") have.
>
>
> Christine
>
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
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