Re: [UUPoly-L] My Dilemma

[Scott <sesnow@verizon.net>]

> Refusal of sex is grounds for divorce in every state.
Richard
I thought every state now had no-fault divorce. I  *think* that means 
"grounds" are no longer necessary to obtain the legal remedy of divorce 
even in the case where the spouses do not agree beforehand.

Meanwhile, I think that it is clear that the OP ("Thomas") is not 
interested in any sort of separation, much less divorce.

Rather, he seeks *additional* relationships to supply what is now 
missing and maybe the additional benefit for himself of more intimacy 
added to that in marriage. It's unfortunate for him and others that 
their now-asexual spouses are not able currently to embrace some form of 
openness beyond "I don't want to know".

Thomas -
I am not near your postiion, so I cannot offer good advice from prior 
experience. Perhaps, howver, your wife would be somewhat more likely to 
accept a friend of hers as a lover for you.  This doens't necessarilty 
mean you should pursue only her existing friends, but that perhaps any 
new potential lovers should be friends for both of you first. I don't 
have advice for that first instance of you revealing: " I like _____, 
what do you think if ----", except maybe the friend must make the 
propostion to her.

Good Luck. I hope you can keep things open and honest. If you cannot, so 
be it. I know some people in that sort of situation.