Re: [UUPoly-L] Public Archives Redux

"Tara Shakti-Ma" <dakinitara@tantrikapath.com> · Sat, 29 Aug 2009 14:01:46 -0000

After reading the other responses to the original question, I'm inspired to say a bit more about my feelings around this issue.

First I want to say that I'm very much in line with Michael Rios about this, and thus retain his post (below).

I am a poly-activist too.  I am "out".  I do not have a fear of public or private repercussions for being polyamorous....and "bi" by the way...except where my "ex" in concerned....I still have a 13 yr. old at home.   I am a bit advocate of those who can "afford" to be out doing so.   Some people don't feel they can be afforded that leisure for professional and/or child custody reasons.  And sadly, as long as so few of us feel the fear of being "out" and vocal about our orientation (or chosen love-style if you so choose to see it that way), we will remain an oddity, "kinky" and "alternative" rather than seen as significant in numbers....and "just another way to make a family".  So those folks who feel they can be open, out and transparent, and act on it, I say "by all means do!!!", "yay!" and "thank you!" 

*ON THE OTHER HAND* - I do not have a sense of this discussion list being so much a source for poly-awareness promotion and social change activism.  We may talk about those aspects as issues on our minds, but I don't see it as a reliable or desirable resource for promoting poly-awareness.  I see this list-serve primarily as a *support group* for those in (and or curious about) the inner workings of poly-relationships.  As such it is a place where people might post very sensitive, intimate, personal feelings, thoughts and dilemmas; for the intention of seeking support and the perspective of other folks.  They may come to this list to post something they need support from the group in processing, *before* they go to their partners.  While processing it here, they may vent some ugly feelings in ways that could be most unhelpful in their actual situation, as a means to clear out the overly angsty and dramatic cobwebs.  This way, when they get back to their partners about these things, they have vented the hard/harsh/scattered emotional stuff here, and are then much more calm and centered.  My concern isn't anonymity.  My concern is holding what people share here as a sacred trust....a sacred trust that serves their own inner process in a manner that brings them to a better way of delivery when they finally finish processing here, and are ready to speak to their partners directly.  If anyone is really so curious or desiring to understand those intimate dynamics more, they can simply join the group.  I also realize anyone can say anything, use all the right buzz words, and become a member.   So consider making the group private like using a condom.  It can't and doesn't prevent the spread of all diseases, but it still certainly cuts the likelihood of the risks down, comparatively speaking.

Now suppose you want to make folks more aware of UU congregations as a potentially less dogmatic spiritual home for people seeking such.  Would you offer them carefully considered, generally agreed upon, wordsmithed links and other resources, or would you offer them the transcripts of a spiritual sharing (or relationship dynamics, or sexual orientation, etc. ) *support group* from your church?  My guess is not only would you not do that, but that it would be considered a gross violation of the trust people offer when utilizing that support group.   This is how I see this discussion list...as a support group for hashing through poly-issues.  It seems to me UUPA has much better resources to offer in the way of poly-awareness building and poly-rights activism, than the personal musings, issues and dilemmas that typically come up on poly-discussion lists.

For these reasons I feel it most appropriate that the posts to this list be kept as private as such venues allow.

Tara Shakti-Ma   )O(

....in Lancaster Co. PA, and planning to move to Hinsdale, NH....some time within the next 6 months (hopefully)!!

Join us at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ExpansiveLoving/ - an internationally serving on-line group for spiritually and new-paradigm inclined poly-folk.  

Love and Gratitude are the seeds of Joy.  Grace flows freely when I bow to All of Life.

© Copyright Tara Shakti 2009
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Michael Rios 
  To: uupoly-l@uupa.org 
  Sent: Friday, August 28, 2009 9:46 PM
  Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Public Archives Redux

  I honestly don't see how an e-list is going to "raise awareness" of anyone
  who isn't already interested in polyamory-- and if they are, there are lots
  better ways to learn about it than whatever is randomly being posted here.
  A UUPoly website, with appropriate articles, links, etc., would be *far*
  more effective than keeping the archives of this list public.  If there are
  threads from this list that are particularly illuminating, they could be
  posted on the website as well (after asking permission of the participants,
  of course).  

  As has been pointed out, all anyone has to do who is interested in the
  archives is to join the list.  Keeping them private just avoids "drive-by"
  searches by random people who probably don't even know what they are
  searching at first.

  I see this a much more of a support list for UU polyfolk, and as such, think
  the archives should be private.

  Michael Rios

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