Re: [UUPoly-L] emotions and LDR

stargazngal <stargazngal@yahoo.com> · Sun, 01 Feb 2009 11:08:32 -0000

L...

Sorry for the long delay in responding...life got busy for a little.

I'm finding myself in a much better "place" with dealing with the LDR emotions.  This was my first Christmas with my boyfriend, and our schedules were such that we couldn't see each other.  I think the reality really kicked in and I realized that this will not be the only holiday that we will not be able to spend together, and it really got to me for a few days.  I've accepted that at this point, but we do plan to try to make a better effort to see each other near special occasions.  I recently had a bday, and was able to spend time with him a few days before.  He even surprised me with by introducing me to a bi lady who I am becoming rather friendly with :)

Thanks for the input...this is all a learning and growing process!

Stargazngal

--- On Mon, 1/5/09, L <lnd.slvr@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: L <lnd.slvr@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] emotions and LDR
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Date: Monday, January 5, 2009, 10:32 AM

> 
> I'm realitvely new to polyamory...was monogamous with
> hubby for 24 years, and have had a boyfriend since May.? We
> are both each others secondary relationship.? He lives over
> 2 hours away, and our schedules are such that we sometimes
> go 6 weeks without seeing each other.? I know and accept it
> about 95% of the time, however when we discuss the chance of
> meeting and it doesn't work out, I tend to get way too
> emotional (especially if it's been a while since we saw
> each other).? Even when I know ahead of time it may not
> happen, I still lose it when it falls through.? I go through
> all sorts of emotions and eventually get over it after a
> good cry, lol.? While it is a testiment to how strongly I
> feel about him, I'd really like to be able to deal with
> the disappointments better.? 
> ?
> I'm open to suggestions on how to deal with the
> disappointments a little more gracefully and less
> emotionally.
> ?
> Thanks,
> Stargazngal? (who will be up before dawn looking for
> meteors Sat morning? :)? )
> 
Hello
I understand the challenge. My husband and I are both in LDR's and have
been for 26 years (off and on), though we were monogamous for 12 years  prior. 
I would guess that time and trust will help. Perhaps making plans for a phone
converstaion would help when the trips don't happen. Is it possible for each
of you to drive half way and meet for lunch or the day or an overnight? 

My LDR is 8-10 hours away. It has gotten easier to have flexiblity as time has
gone on (8 years).   My husbands LDR is 4 hours away ( and 26 years old) though
at times we have lived cross country from her.

We also have tried to include our family and our spouses in some of the trips.
It is a different experience but has worked well for us.

We have not had the luxury of having relationships that are not LDR's for
most of the time. When we did it was a real challenge to keep the balance, but
we were new to this and made most of the mistakes that can be made. 26 years ago
there was little information on how to manage these relationships.

L

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