Re: [UUPoly-L] emotions and LDR

[L <lnd.slvr@yahoo.com>]

> 
> I'm realitvely new to polyamory...was monogamous with
> hubby for 24 years, and have had a boyfriend since May.? We
> are both each others secondary relationship.? He lives over
> 2 hours away, and our schedules are such that we sometimes
> go 6 weeks without seeing each other.? I know and accept it
> about 95% of the time, however when we discuss the chance of
> meeting and it doesn't work out, I tend to get way too
> emotional (especially if it's been a while since we saw
> each other).? Even when I know ahead of time it may not
> happen, I still lose it when it falls through.? I go through
> all sorts of emotions and eventually get over it after a
> good cry, lol.? While it is a testiment to how strongly I
> feel about him, I'd really like to be able to deal with
> the disappointments better.? 
> ?
> I'm open to suggestions on how to deal with the
> disappointments a little more gracefully and less
> emotionally.
> ?
> Thanks,
> Stargazngal? (who will be up before dawn looking for
> meteors Sat morning? :)? )
> 
Hello
I understand the challenge. My husband and I are both in LDR's and have been for 26 years (off and on), though we were monogamous for 12 years  prior.  I would guess that time and trust will help. Perhaps making plans for a phone converstaion would help when the trips don't happen. Is it possible for each of you to drive half way and meet for lunch or the day or an overnight? 

My LDR is 8-10 hours away. It has gotten easier to have flexiblity as time has gone on (8 years).   My husbands LDR is 4 hours away ( and 26 years old) though at times we have lived cross country from her.

We also have tried to include our family and our spouses in some of the trips. It is a different experience but has worked well for us.

We have not had the luxury of having relationships that are not LDR's for most of the time. When we did it was a real challenge to keep the balance, but we were new to this and made most of the mistakes that can be made. 26 years ago there was little information on how to manage these relationships.

L