[UUPoly-L] Shamelessly borrowing a concept from a friend....

["Christine Heinsohn" <kb4wyr@fhrd.net>]

..I was on a social network this afternoon when I ran across a post from a
friend who indicated that they were infrastructure.  I really don't have any
clue to what they were referring for themselves, but the term resonated with
me in so many ways, but in particular in reference to my experience of
polyamory..

 

I have been married to my spouse for 38 years.  In the last ten years he has
been actively engaging in relationships outside our marriage.  This has been
done with my knowledge and consent.   I have often felt like the old
favorite blown out running shoe, that is kept because of the memories of the
places run, but keeps getting shoved farther and farther toward the back of
the closet.  However, that analogy didn't really describe my poly
experience.  The concept of infrastructure does..you know..

 

The experience where infrastructure's importance is noted and stated, but
the time and attention go toward the new diplomatic relationships

The experience where infrastructure is counted on to be there, to lend
support and structure, but the maintenance for longevity is oft neglected

The experience where infrastructure's sheltering nature is welcomed and
praised, but soon forgotten when the immediate need has dissipated

 

But on the other hand.

As time goes by I have seen a recognition that infrastructure is NOT
something that can be neglected and pushed aside without devastating
consequences

As time goes by I have seen resources being infused into infrastructure

As time goes by I am witnessing the appreciation for the permanence and
sustainability of infrastructure

As time goes by I see the dawning of self discovery that illuminates the
integrity of the infrastructure

 

I have had way too much fun with the infrastructure analogy, but the
contrast between long term ( and I do mean LONG term relationships) and new
love relationships can be uncomfortable on the part of the Long Tern SO
because of the attention grabbing nature of the "new, shiny".  New Shiny
elicits more thrilling emotions.  New Shiny prompts exploration and
discovery.   Infrastructure is known, probably somewhat used and soiled,
slightly tarnished, perhaps even dull.  Infrastructure is not immediately
thrilling, until you have a personal 911 and then you best have a solid
infrastructure to depend on .

 

So, what do you think?

 

Christine Heinsohn