Re: [UUPoly-L] Dear Abby's take on poly

[Timothy McKee <mknd17@hotmail.com>]

I am quite comfortable in being less than number one. Actually there was an Olympic Swimmer named Tim McKee from the United States who missed the gold medal by two one thousandths of a second in 1972. It was one of the closest contests in athletic history if not the closest. Interestingly enough I once printed a poetry broadside with equal areas of swimming pool blue. That was long before I found out about the other Tim McKee.

 

If any of you want to feel like you're a bona fide member of the Silver Heart Society know that you have company!!!

 

Tim
 
> Date: Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:13:36 -0700
> From: ystradyfodwg@yahoo.com
> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
> Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Dear Abby's take on poly
> 
> IMNSHO...
> 
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old son is involved with a 22-year-old girl who is 
> >married. He has moved in with her, her husband and their 4-year-old son. He 
> >says he's happy with the arrangement.
> >I have tried to accept this even though I don't approve. I don't want to 
> >alienate my son, but I see no good coming from this lifestyle. Abby, please 
> >help. -- DISGUSTED MOM IN HENDERSON, NEV.
> 
> >DEAR DISGUSTED MOM: 
> >You do not have to "accept" the arrangement, and as your 
> >son's mother you are entitled to tell him you don't approve and why. 
> 
> This is true - the mother does not have to accept her son's arrangement 
> and she is entitled to voice her opinion of the situation
> 
> >But he is over 21, 
> This definitely puts it into the "Consenting Adults" category
> 
> >and some lessons have to be learned the hard way. 
> ...and this also is true...
> 
> >So remain calm and bide your time 
> ... not bad advice
> 
> >because, sooner or later, the husband's tolerance will wear thin
> A possible but unwarranted conclusion...
> 
> >or your son will realize that he deserves to rate higher than No. 2.
> Another possible and unwarranted assumption
> 
> My objections to Abby's response is two-fold. She seems intolerant of any variation when it comes
> to marital relationships (she may be she is a DOMA activist - who knows) and my biggest gripe is
> her perception that in a polyamorist situation the son will be number 2. He may be number two 
> and he may not be number two - we are not privy to "the rest of the story" about how the three have 
> structured their interrelationship...
> 
> A consenting adult, acting in full knowledge of the situation, may find the "number two" status quite comfortable
> and compatible with their wants and way of life... If that works - fine!
> 
> I have been in just such a relationship and it worked extremely well. 
> I did not feel like I was a second class citizen in the situation. 
> I had a say in anything that concerned "me" or "us"
> 
> We three were accepted by neighbors and the school where the kids attended classes...
> ... the big issue was the legality of getting non-emergency medical treatment for the children
> But between us three, things went well for eight years until one of us decided the get married to another person.
> (Which was okay also...)
> 
> Parting thought - wonder if the mother is tolerant of any LTA her son might get involved in 
> - or - 
> what if her son joined a commune (if any still exist)
> 
> My two cents worth on this particular article
> 
> 
> Ystradyfodwg aka MrY
> Dubitando ad veritatem venimus
> [Through scepticism comes truth]
> 
> 
> 
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