Re: [UUPoly-L] how were your poly holidays?

["Michael Rios" <earthfather@cfnc.us>]

This may be obvious, but it might make things easier if your relationship
options weren't framed in terms of "poly" or "not-poly".  What seems clear
is that for your wife, at least, and possibly for both of you, things are
unclear and unsettled.  If you take the perspective that you both love each
other, and want to be supportive of each other in your explorations, then no
one has to "choose up sides", and you can avoid taking on any label at all,
whether it be "poly", "monogamous", "lesbian", "bisexual", "straight", or
whatever.  

So taking the perspective of being open to whatever seems worth exploring at
the time, as long as you are both open and honest with each other, can
relieve a lot of the stress and anxiety.

This attitude, for me, is captured in this Calvin and Hobbes comic strip:

http://www.s-anand.net/calvinandhobbes.html#19951231

Michael Rios

> -----Original Message-----
> From:  Frank Rudolph

> 
> I wish I had had a lovely, love filled holiday like you folks 
> did. Mine was OK but less of a win-win for all concerned. My 
> wife had announced this summer that she was a lesbian and 
> took a woman for a lover. My response to this event was to 
> look into a poly lifestyle over the past several months. I 
> had dabbled in it in the 70s (who didn't?) by being in a year 
> long triad. I have been more or less mono since, because that 
> is just how things worked out. I didn't get very far with my 
> new investigation this past year, but was and am intrigued by 
> the possibilities. Last week, she announced that she had 
> broken off with her girlfriend and wants to "come home" in a 
> non-poly capacity. I was non-plussed and still am. Life is an 
> interesting and unpredictable thing. But we muddled through 
> the week as good friends and
> (platonic) lovers and I am sitting at a cross-roads trying to 
> figure out what is next.  I have discovered that it is 
> difficult to evaluate the pros and cons of poly by one's 
> self. I guess that should be self-evident, shouldn't it?
> 
> Anyway, it's all (relatively) good! So, Happy New Year, one and all!